“In Defense of the English Language,” by Andrea Harsma

What did English ever do to you?

Poor, broken English

battered, lying in the corner

lonely, asking why you hate it so

What did English ever do to you?

It just wanted to help you sound pretty

But no

You had to run it down, beat it with sticks

“dead horse” you say, laughing

What did English ever do to you?

You don’t even try

To sort your yours and you’res

Let alone those theirs, they’res, and theres

Smugly lazy

Do you even capitalize?

What did English ever do to you?

You can’t even manage a full word? ru and ur and u and r

Even worse, these new bastardizations

With the swag and the YOLO

Don’t you know swag’s for curtains and skirting?

You

Obviously
Lack
Originality

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